1000+ Days of Mira

I love 500 Days of Summer. It’s one of those movies I’d watch every month. I could quote the memorable lines but now my life is this movie. It’s relatable in the relationship department. My previous relationship is based on this movie too much it hurts watching this. People either relate to Summer Finn or Tom Hansen. Me? I use to relate myself to Summer, the one who doesn’t need to fall in love before i met Mira. But now I am 100% Tom. All I wanted is to feel loved and not being alone.

At the start it was just me living my comfortable life and everything was fine until she came along. She made my life a whole lot better and meaningful. She open my eyes with ambition and hope for me. She was very present. She was very real. She made me the happiest I could be. “I love how she makes me feel, like anything’s possible, or like life is worth it.” – Tom.

We could do no wrong. We love the same things, she is beautiful, smart and she is her own independent person. She was perfect to me. I was blinded by this small little thing call love. “I love her smile. I love her hair. I love her knees. I love how she licks her lips before she talks. I love her heart-shaped birthmark on her neck. I love it when she sleeps.” – Tom.

I feel when you know when someone loves you is when you get to hear her untold stories. The ones she brought down her wall. The ones she never repeats to anyone. The ones you wonder if anyone got there before you did. And you know that it’s mutual. You know she is the One. “I’ve never told anybody that before.” – Summer

But we didn’t actually got together straight away. I was following what she wanted. She didn’t want to label us. We were our “significant others” as she said. and I was confused and didn’t know where this is going and afraid that one day she just packs her bags and leaves. I got angry on different occasions with others wanting or not wanting us to be together. “Well, you’re not the only one that gets a say in this! I do too! And I say we’re a couple, goddamn it!” – Tom

After multiple pursuit to make us concrete. We made it. We we’re labeled but sometimes it feels like it was only for my benefit. She never was posting pictures of me. She didn’t scream my name in happiness like I did. She kept me a secret. Was she embarrassed with me? Was I that bad of a catch? Or was I just “The guy I’m with right now”? I felt insecure of us. I was scared.  “Do you ever do this, you think back on all the times you’ve had with someone and you just replay it in your head over and over again and you look for those first signs of trouble?” – Tom. 

I slowly changed. Acting all different. Clingy, spineless and fearful that our world is gonna crash. She gets away with most of our arguments. I’ll let her win cause I didn’t want to lose her. I took off my stable life to start making more so we could live as equals. I ended up focusing on her and that was our downfall. My life is so her that i forgot who i was. I forgot my love to music, sports and my friends. We were suited for each other but we did it wrong “All we ever do is argue” – Summer “That is bullshit!” -Tom

I told her to move away for work. So she could do things for herself and we could start back where we left off but things didn’t go as plan as I was not doing good. I was the torn one and she dominated the relationship. No longer equals. i was no longer her role model. So I did what I never thought I’d do. I pulled the trigger on myself and all she ask if i could stay as a friend. “Tom, don’t go! You’re still my best friend!” -Summer

After 2 months not being with her. My life was spiralling out of control. What do I want in life anymore? All I can think of is her. But one day I took the guts to see her. So we talked about plans and present. Her eyes glows when I told her my future and the things I’m going to do. That filled me up with hope of us once again. At the end she gave me the hug that felt there is something worth fighting for. The hug that brought me back to where we started. But to my knowledge she is seeing someone else. “So why’d you dance with me” -Tom “Cause I wanted to” -Summer “You just do what you want to, don’t you” -Tom

She is someone else now. She changed to this stranger I never knew before and looks and feels different. She smelled differently. She smiled differently. She laugh differently. Cause she is somewhere else now. She accepted the break up. She moved on when i haven’t. “I just… I just woke up one day and I knew.“- Summer “Knew what?..” – Tom “What I was never sure of with you.” -Summer

If you love something, let it free. All I wanted was the best for her, I really do. But it’s hard to watch them succeed where we fell. I am sad and pissed of what could have been us but right now I just have to let go of her. Some people are meant to fall in love but aren’t meant to be together. Now she is just a memory. She is no longer in my life but wishing her the best. She wants a better life now she gets it. “I really do hope you’re happy” – Tom

And our story stops there. There is no other girl. There is no new job. I see no difference in me. I want to change. I want to move on. I want to be better but this little part of me keeps telling me I can’t. I just want to shut this part of me down and go forward. Depress as I am, I know the future is bright for me. cause at the end of the movie Tom moves forward. If I am Tom my life and love life will get better. No matter how painfully relatable this movie is I still love this movie cause it’s a mirror image of us. Still slowly getting over Mira. Right now she might be a painful memory but one day when i look back, smile and see how much stronger i have become.

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