Alter Ego

She said ” I know it’s harder for you”. I kept failing to understand what she means. Was she talking about me being lonely or she has moved on and I haven’t. 

Now I came to an agreement with myself that no one understands me as much as she does but i still understand myself more than her. The dark side of me that lingers around. She saw it. But just a glimpse.

You see, I believe every person has thier dark side. Let it be a mask murderer, a thief, or a whore. Everyone wants to kill someone some times. For me I want to dominate my division. Let it be filming, music or a simple game of chess. I can’t lose. I won’t lose. That’s my thoughts, but sometimes that reality bites. 

Every yin has a yang and vice versa. To my dismay, I help these random strangers and potential dates instead of them feeding my wants of dominance against my soul. Got a girl a job and another encouragement in life. I don’t see them as potential suitors. Maybe my friends were right. It’s too soon. It’s too soon to find love again. 

Everyday is a constant battle with myself. The good versus the bad. The light versus the dark. It’s distracting me and it’s making me tired. The pain in my belly hasn’t gone away. The sleepless nights are still around. The dreams/nightmares of her is still haunting me. Cause I love her and I lost her. There isn’t a single day I didn’t miss her. But I know a lost cause when I see one. 

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