Archive for the Self Category

Soundtrack of My Life

Posted in 2017, Dreams, Ideas, Life, Love, music, say anything, Self on April 26, 2017 by joharizm
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The Moon

Posted in 2017, Dreams, Ideas, Life, Love, Poetry, Romance, Self, Uncategorized on April 26, 2017 by joharizm

Dear Moon,

Why can’t I sleep tonight?

It is like the first night I saw you,

In the wilderness, alone, under the  starry night,

You came and kept me company,

We shared stories and glories,

Even as dawn came, you still stood by me.

 

It has been months since I’ve seen your face,

I have not slept nor rest with knowing your safe,

Not the same without you in this cold night,

All I could do now is look at the stars,

and only wonder if you will ever come back,

I miss you old friend.

 

 

Thank you

Posted in 2015, Life, Malaysian, Self, Uncategorized on September 25, 2015 by Joharizm

This was my speech on the last day of class before we graduated from Pinewoods/Imagica.

“What can I say about Suzy Chambre’ Sternlicht?
Apart from being the voice of reason to Mark and James, she’s our mentor in the world of editing. She is also our friend that we share our jokes and stories with. I don’t know about you guys but she is our home away from home and as well as our foster mother. When she took care of Neesha when she was sick, brought us treats for us even during day one and celebrating Sally birthday was the icing on a wonderful 2 months baked cake.

Suzy taught us a lot but it’s not only Suzy that I learn from. We managed to learn from each other like how Neesha sees how the beautiful the world is, how small little Chien Yee wants to devour the earth instead. How Syuqri ignite the fire in my competitive streak and how Prem and I can agree to disagree on how mad max is the same movie as lord of the rings. Mostly Saidi, the event organiser and the one that created our very own website, where I see that we will still keep in touch with each other. Thank you each and every one of you.

We have grown together so much for the past 2 months that we’ve became more than friends, we became family. And from seeing everyone’s work with the documentary and more you all have developed to become full fledge editors. I hope that we don’t just hang out but work together soon. ”

All of you are the best. Keep doing what you’re doing and sooner or later your dreams will come true.

Backtrack

Posted in 2015, Life, Malaysian, movies, Self, Uncategorized on September 7, 2015 by Joharizm

Let’s backtrack for a second. Where was I 5 years ago? What did I want to become 5 years ago? Did I achieve what I wanted?

I guess I did better than what I expect it to be. The oldest friend I had mention that he admires my resilience in my art cause no one dares to do what I do. I wanted to direct and still want to. I could say that I’m ready to direct as most are invested with my ideas, the vision I made. 5 years ago all I could wish for is to make something of myself. Wether it’s someones lover, an icon, a friend, or a family man. But I became something I never thought existed. I was still myself. Not a sheep and gave up to normalities of life. No longer shy and afraid of the darkness of the road. I became an individual who can speak his mind and fight for what I think is right.

Staying true to yourself isn’t that hard but to prove to people that you are good enough to make it is the real cherry on top.

1.

Posted in 2015, Life, Self, Uncategorized on July 29, 2015 by joharizm

We fear of living the rest of our lives alone, but little do we know we have always been and will always be alone. We are our own individuals with our own sets of goals and dreams. We can’t go about asking the love of our lives “Hey I love you, could we stay together forever and live as conjoint twins”. Yes there is the love factor, where it ends up in marriage and living happily ever after. Spoiler alert, we humans die and our loved ones leave us for something greater. Whether it be for another person or death itself.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not being spiteful and/or grudgy. I think I’m sane enough to know the truth and truth is that our loved ones leave and we are disappointed, sad and later on numb but a few days, months, years later we forget and replace that person. Rinse and rinse and repeat. That how human bonds go. We aren’t accustom to loyalty. We want better things in life and never settle for what we have.

Is there such thing as love? I say yes, but love is always momentarily. I have 6 ex-girlfriends and counting, 3 ex-best friends and counting, 2 mother figures, 2 father figures, and countless heroes and idols. I’ve move on to better and better people when I see fit. Replace your best friends for your lover to replacing your lover for new friends, anything that makes you happier. Sometimes it’s me, sometimes life just has it ways to tell me that the relationship between me and the other person is over. Makes me sound like a jerk. So sue me.

You assume I’m like an unloved monster but I’m not. I’ve sacrifice for people who no longer in my life. My blood, sweat and tears isn’t recognize at anyone’s mind and heart anymore because I am replaced. Every girlfriend I’ve had so far was told that no matter what, we weren’t meant to stay together forever. Whether it be death or the end of the relationship as much I don’t want those two to happen. And it did happen, not the death part but the breakup. I was being real.

But I want to thank everyone that left me. I’m a better me thanks to you leaving me. You made me see how selfish a person can be. Without you, I won’t be able to laugh at the thought of death and depression. Showing me that I’m bound for greater things without you pulling me down and eventually having better people in life till death. You are the soul purpose that drives me crazy enough to think I can achieve a lot more than a normal man could. And thank you for indirectly telling me, 1 Is a very lonely number but can be the strongest number of them all.

I’ll be looking out for number 1 and that’s me.

Anxiety.vomit.pages

Posted in 2015, Dreams, Horror, Ideas, Life, movies, Self, Short Stories, Shorts, Uncategorized on July 20, 2015 by joharizm

As I enter an abandoned house, I heard a girl weeping. In the pitch black halls, I walk towards the cry and in the corner of a room I see a girl in the corner. This girl is not familiar and she was undressed, dirty and just facing the corner in a sitting position. I went to the to comfort her telling her every thing is fine and I will find help. She start puking written pages. The pages were worn down and old. I woke up to the weirdest dream of my life. Unexplained but still trying my hardest to decipher this.

Well it’s actually stealing someones ideas and make something better out of it or at least sharing their stories with the world. Well I’m in the midst of making short films for the next 5 years and I’ve been collecting peoples life story. From love stories to life experiences. Mental breakdowns are my forte because I have one too. Just that this dream is kinda weird that it’s happening to someone else. Maybe I’m here to help the rest of the world to think on a positive note, as my first short will be about my own life experience but ending it with a positive side of suicidal tendencies. It’s hard to accept that I have this demented part of me and in hopes I get to lock this part of my life in a shoe box full of unwanted memories, but it’s high time to accept it and share it with the world and confront my fears.

It’s now or never. Time to write my script and in hopes that the demons pass away.

Restraint.Ex.Asylum

Posted in 2015, Dreams, Horror, Ideas, Life, Love, Malaysian, Romance, Self, Short Stories, Uncategorized on July 7, 2015 by joharizm

People have a guilty pleasure of horoscope, palm reading and psychic stuff like that. Well for me it has always been dreams and I’ve had really unique dreams lately. The thing about dreams is that it’s trying to tell you something about what you are currently experiencing now. Twice I’ve dreamt of being cheated on but researching on the internet what it could mean that I was lacking in attention from that certain someone, but let’s not talk about that dream. The current dreams I felt like it has multiple meanings. So I grabbed some key moments of the dream and did my research from this site (http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/)

A week ago, I dreamt I was heading out for dinner with some friends and I invited my ex. There she was walking down the sidewalk as I waited for her in front of the restaurant. She looked agitated and uncomfortable seeing me and when she reached me, I asked her “What’s going on?”. She said she came to tell me one last time to not see her again and I went all defensive by replying that we are just friends now and nothing is going to happen. She surprised me by telling me she filed a restraining order as her boyfriend came out of no where and knocked me out (not the same guy in real life). I woke up in a straightjacket and being monitored by doctors and getting locked inside crazed asylum.

Insane dream in the end. Here are the three key words I looked for online.

Restraint

To dream that you are restrained indicates that you are holding yourself back and not fully expressing yourself. Perhaps you are feeling helpless in some situation.

Ex

To dream about your ex-girlfriend that you and your ex are fighting suggests that something or someone in your current life is bringing out similar feelings you felt during that relationship with your ex.

Asylum

To dream that you are at an asylum suggests that you are feeling tremendous mental strain and are trying to reach out for help.

Reflecting back what I dreamt and what it could mean feels like there was some unsettled situation with my ex but the site told me something else. I came to realization that it will never work out between me and my ex. So I started dating and talking to random people online. Yes, I have moved to greener pastures and one girl actually makes me happy and smile through her text and our conversations were long but it starts to get shorter and shorter. I don’t blame either of us cause work is our first love and nothing can change on that. Being restraint by my ex in an asylum could actually mean that I actually like this new girl that subconsciously reminded me of my ex but I’m scared to actually fall in love again and being hurt.  I did admit to her that I like her but I feel that it’s not the best of times for the both us cause she is that special and brings light to me every time I think of her. Bright colors in the darkness sort of situations.

I guess it’s not bad having nightmares once in a while. There are two more dreams I’m investigating on for another night. In the mean time, all I could do with this current girl is just hold on and see if things can and will get better.